Is it me, or do has-beens end up on ITV? Des Lynam lacks the pzazz he had on BBC, and Baddiel and Skinner just seem to be treading water on all their shows whether it is unplanned, where Baddiel just states the obvious in a sarcastic way in the hope it will be funny, when all it sounds like is smug.
Skinner is OK is guess, but far from great, especially his Chat show, which was hilarious 3 years ago, but has been hit and miss according to the calibre of guests. Which brings me to Fantasy Euro 2004. Once funny for Johnny Rotten and a few other guests during World Cup 98. This just bores me now. As an avid watcher of Fantasy League BBC2, I’m dismayed at what has become of the show. It’s always been petty to some degree, but the gags seem so obvious and boring now. 20 odd minutes compared to 45 for the predecessor means the time
The shows so far have raised a few laughs, but little else. They should have stopped making it when they left the BBC.
Craig Aston.
This is just a mini-comment kind of piece as I couldn't agree more with Craig, this is Baddiel and Skinner painfully on auto-pilot, a state they've seemed more than happy to be in for the last ten years or so. It's just so irritating as it should be good, like it once was.
The calibre of the guests is almost always truly appalling, it seems almost as if they're really struggling to attract even c-list names, and such spots as 'Vegetables which look like footballers' is tv at it's laziest - or so I thought until I saw 'Greavsies Gaffes', which shows clips from an eighties chat show and is then proceeded by Baddiel or Skinner making some inane comment. It's unforgivably weak, like much of the entire show.
Finally, what annoys me the most is the way the (obviously extraordinary drunken) audience cheer, shout and applaud at all of it, however obviously unfunny it is. They slow the show down, and manage to be even more annoying than anything else found in the series. Shockingly poor.
Alex Finch.
Big Brother (9/10pm, Every night, C4)
Everyone was worried. After last years 10 week sleep inducing bore-a-thon, a show so bland that Jon Tickle (unintentionally funny for a week, annoying since then) has emerged as it's main star, it looked like Big Brother had just about run out of steam. But ah, as always when you think a reality show's just about running out of steam, the producer's have finally managed again to pick twelve people who are actually bloody entertaining to watch. Which after the last two years might be a far harder task than you'd first imagine.
The idea of turning Big Brother evil is a masterstroke too, invigorating the flailing show to a surprising extent, with Kitten already thrown out for breaking too many rules - something I have no problem with in the slightest, sure, she was idiotically entertaining at first, but as the week went on she became so repetitive, and too
I have to confess though that when they were first announced and entered the house, I thought the choice of housemates was quite, quite awful, and predicted ten weeks of high pitched squealing and shouting. But after the initial excitment of entering the house had subsided, most of the housemates have turned out to be pretty involving and interesting people. Who'd have thought it eh? That's part of the joy of BB though, having your thoughts and feelings about the show change on an almost daily basis as characters you previously liked do something unbelievable funny. Or stupid. Or both.
So the housemates I really like? Ah, like can be a subjective word can't it. I can't imagine enjoying spending too much time down the pub with any of them bar perhaps Shell. But in terms of providing entertainment value, kudos has to go to Victor, despite his slightly misogynist outlook at times and dodgy temper, he's the master of the one liner in the diary room, however preprepared such comments obviously are. His OTT macho side entertains too, and it's about time a contestant made it plain that they're playing a game here, and not just taking part in an experience as so many others have weakly claimed in the past. Stu's been great value too, not least due to him looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights of not one lorry, but a whole fleet of them, as Michelle offered to show him her 'baps'. His reluctant relationship with her has been one of the highlights, and he was just starting to show his more comical side post her trip to the bedsit. How he'll be affected by her return to the house will make for some pretty interesting viewing, hopefully. Shell's just sweetly lovely. Aww. I know, I know, nearly everyone thinks the same, but I really do think that's the case, for once this is someone genuinely nice. Fortunately, unlike Nush from last year, she's not bland either. Maybe she doesn't always instigate the more amusing moments yet seen, but she's more than happy to take part in them, and hey, how could you not like a lass who's prepared to mow the lawn naked to cheer up a friend?
And the housemates I don't mind at all? Michelle and Emma fall firmly in to this category, both at first being fun enough, but slowly annoying me with their abject stupidity which alas is only rarely funny in a Jade Goody kind of way. Michelle's seduction of Stu, her desperacy to stay in the show by all but forcing everyone to take part in topless mud wrestling are pluses though, she may be a tad on the dull side at times, but she's done enough so far to validate her being in the house. Unlike Ahmed. Who, er, um, he broke some plates once didn't he? And upset Shell. A bit. And sleeps a lot. But due to his occasional arguing and debating, he just about falls in to this category. I won't be bothered in the slightest when he inevitably leaves in the near future however. Finally, to Nadia, who I think is going to prove far more interesting than she has so far, especially now she's out of cigarettes, and, like everyone else I know, I can't wait for her to reveal that she once has testicles.
And finally, to the ones I don't like in the slightest? Ah, it's not that simple. Whilst I've nothing strongly against anyone this year, some haven't done enough to suggest they deserve to be in the house. Marco's seal impressions were tiresome the second time he did it, and he's clearly hiding his intelligence - his provocation of Ahmed and Jason to later gain sympathy show how wiley he's prepared to be at times too - and he must be hoping that no one will notice how on the ball he really is. Though I could be very, very wrong about this as anyone who decided to become a law student after watching Legally Blonde can't be all that bright. Dan and Vanessa fall in to this category simply for whining far too much. Fun enough for two days or so, ever since then they've taken on parental roles and stopped too much entertaining nonsense from taking place, though I hope they stay in for a little longer yet just to stir things up a little. And finally to Jason. In the first draft of this review I'd written a mixed response to him, amused by his arse licking antics but put off by his ego. But after the big fight on Wednesday night, now I find myself starting to dislike the guy. Anyone who gets that pissed off over something so inanely silly doesn't deserve any respect, any respect at all, and now I find myself hoping that he'll be leaving the BB house rather soon.
Post Big Brother 2 I've always struggled with picking the individual I'd most like to win the series. And once again thats proven to be the case. Shell's lovely but bar the odd bit of naked lawnmowing she hasn't done enough yet, Victor's funny, but I don't agree with many of his views, and so, and this surprises me, I'm going to have to plump for Stu. I'm sure I'll change my mind soon enough though.
Of course, how it all pans out is up to the viewers, and they've a track record of voting out the most interesting characters early on. Hopefully this won't happen this year. Ah, but then I always say that. And I've nearly always been proved wrong.
Agree or disagree with this thread? Join in the discussion on this thread on the forum.
Alex Finch.
Football Diaries (9pm, Sundays, BBC2)
So often we see one side of footballers whether it is portrayed in adverts, through their performances on the pitch, or tabloid stories sensationalising three in a bed stories, speeding offences etc. Based on this information, we make assumptions on footballers’ attitudes, abilities, and nothing has ever been done to defend this. Until now.
This excellent six part series, narrated by the superb James Bolam (himself a star in the hilarious parody Eleven Men against Eleven) , is a no-nonsense Louis Theroux style documentary without the on-screen persona. All you hear is a voice making naïve, exploratory questions to provoke response, and at times vociferous reaction. An incredibly insightful series charting a spectrum of stories, illustrating the human perspective to many varied situations.
It covers the Premiership highs of the Chelsea Revolution and Kieron Dyer’s opportunities off the field from Newcastle. We also are introduced to the perfectionism and cultured intelligence of artisan, but somewhat erratic goalkeeper David James; appears an amiable person, with frustrations about himself and his own abilities at times, and impressive knowledge of his favourite pastime, painting. He shows honesty and candour when discussing the move from West Ham and Manchester City, when finance and passion were juxtaposed, the ‘strike’ that was sensationalised by the media, and the ‘Calamity’ James taunts that remain a stigma, irrespective of his own commitment to the task.
Christ Bart-Williams extrovert charisma is meshed with his Ipswich team-mates, and the fortunes and misfortunes of Weymouth FC as chairman/journalist Ian Ridley and Player-Manager Steve Claridge’s unlikely Odd couple alliance generates humour, anxiety, friendship, banter, tension, and ultimately really entertaining TV. It seems the smaller the scale, the more personable the story. We also see the agent’s perspective. Instead of the money hungry sharks often perceived; the up and coming Sky Agency is a surrogate family giving time and effort to promising youngsters. Some are appreciative for the opportunity, some are not and are more keen to massage their egos.
I have found myself feeling a sense of empathy and new found respect for many of the players and other willing participants to this documentary. Given the importance made by Networks for professional presentation, there is something to be said for the honesty conveyed in this truly wonderful series.
Craig Aston.
The Kingdom (10pm, Sundays, BBC2)
I was horrified when I first heard the news that horror hack Stephen King was going to pen his own adaptation of Lars Von Trier's mini-series The Kingdom. Von Trier's original was a headfuck, a sepia-toned nightmare vision of life in a decadent, horrifying and often just plain distressing hospital, full of medical oddities, disturbed doctors and unnerved observers. You can check out my review of it here. Now read on. Because, as sadly anticipated, King has screwed up in the most tiresome way possible.
He's retained some of the original characters and plotlines, Mrs Druse, the psychic old lady is present, as his her dull son, the two down syndrome cleaners, and a couple of the Doctors are vaguely reminiscent of Von Triers original characters. But gone are most of the patients suffering from disturbing diseases, and more importantly, missing is the ever pervasive sense of misery and terror, the feeling that something truly horrible is about to take place, and which often did. Instead of Mrs Druse being about the only sympathetic character, a loner attempting an almost impossible task, we have Andrew McCarthy as a clean cut good guy, who cares about his patients and is against his ego-obsessed superiors. It's not a bad performance from McCarthy, just a little stale, but more importantly as Von Trier proved in his original, there's just no need for such a character.
It's all so obvious too, nothing is left to the imagination. The ghosts of two dead children who haunt the hospital aren't frightening or menacing as intended, but just rather obviously two bad child actors covered in grey face paint. A cgi anteater with enormous teeth who pops up from time to time in characters dreams to warn them of upcoming events is just plain odd, the voice over for it is annoyingly intrusive, and the cgi so cheap that it distracts from the reality of the piece. Which is part of the problem. For horror to truly work it has to feel real, it has to feel that it could happen to any of us at any time, and this just isn't the case here.
King's also added a sense of whimsy which sits incredibly uneasily with the darker themes dealt with here, and his attempts at out and out comedy are as painful as being operated on without anaethesia. The two down syndrome characters are mishandled as well, originally they had an omniscient feel to them, as if they were somehow controlling events or at the very least aware of the far bigger picture, but now they just seem bizarrely misplaced, pointless, like too many of the characters seen here.
Von Trier has a executive producer credit on this series. Let's just hope that it's a credit for financial reasons only, and that he ploughs the money in to a further series of the Danish original which has nothing, nothing at all to do with this US atrocity.
Alex Finch.
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