Big Brother (20:30, 22:30, Friday 27th July, C4)
After Craig won last year, and Paul survived four nominations in a row this series, I had little hope that the viewing public would do the right thing and vote for Brian to win. But maybe I should have a little more faith, as for once they did, and the most entertaining, honest and genuine person actually won a reality tv show. And it was all done in fine style too, looking a pretty marvellous and non-tacky event. A third series? A month ago I'd have said you were crazy. but now I'm not so sure.
Will and Grace (22:00, Friday 20th July, C4)
Oh so average American sitcom that people who still watch friends will probably love. Its another flatshare comedy, but the twist this time is that one of them is gay. Would have plausibly been watchable about a decade ago, but this, the first episode, already looked very dated.
The Simpsons (18:30, Sunday 15th July, Sky One)
Shock horror - an episode that was slightly amusing. 'Trilogy of Error', a run lola run inspired tale where marge cuts Homers thumb off actually had a semi-credible plot and decent one liners. Sure it was just a one off though. But you never know.
Ricky Gervais and former 11 o'clock show presenter Mackenzie Crook take significant roles in the running of a struggling Paper Merchants, which is threatened by closure.
Craig Aston
Click here for a tv comment special on the new Brasseye episode.
She made a couple of headlines (particularly as Charlotte, branded 'The Harlot', had a well-publicised affair whilst taking part in the game show) but drop her name down the pub next week and I'll warrant you¹ll greet a tribe of blank faces. Mention 'Helen and Paul' or 'gay Brian' on the other hand and you're
So how did ITV manage to get it so badly wrong? The show has been a roaring success in other countries and if you think back to the spring you'll recall the massive advertising campaign that introduced the series (remember those 'Survivor' logos between each and every commercial?). But while Channel 4's flagship sequel 'Big brother 2' gained momentum (and viewing figures) by the hour, 'Survivor' fell by the wayside, causing ITV chiefs to cull the scheduled instalments and screen just one update a week. When the big 'reality' guns lined up, there really was no competition.
'Survivor' was troubled from the start. Too many contestants, complicated game rules, pre-recorded episodes, unpronounceable team, sorry tribe, names, oddball characters the list goes on. I tuned in when the show was well into its second week and was baffled. Halang? Puntang? Ulah, Mulah, stick it up your Loolah .. what on earth was all that about? Anyone daft enough to swallow the concept of 16 young(ish) professionals getting in touch with their 'tribal instincts' on a game-show with a million for grabs and the tag-line 'Trust No-one' needs pointing in the direction of a desert island of their own.
Any interesting sociological factors were diluted by the over-dramatic, over-blown island challenges and the cunning encouragement of the show's team of anonymous island interviewers. Teamwork, friendships and the authenticity of characters were never going to wash with a huge stack of money at stake. Newspaper reports that the 'remote' island contained a luxury hotel complex just around the corner from the supposedly 'isolated' camps blew any genuine sympathy for the 'tribes-people' out of the Indian Ocean.
Tribal counsel was a cause for great hilarity in my household. The music! The gong! The "extinguishing of your life on this island" twaddle! Big flared pants to the lot of them! And over-seeing the proceedings, Mark Austin (the host with the least), was like a wooden Richard Madley with a terminal personality crisis. The memories of it make me shudder.
As the weeks went on and the big 'merger' occurred (if you don't know, don't ask you're better off in the dark) it became obvious that the shipwrecked game-show players were taking things far too seriously. Rice theft, severe weight loss, arse lice (or something of the sort), the consumption of RATS (yes, real ones) in what universe is this considered entertaining? The contestants were horrible and horrible to each other. Watching Pete (a boring, religious nutter giving Northerners a bad name) pretend to starve after he missed one rat'n'rice brekkie was pitiful. And when he scrounged a slap-up fry-up from the 'kind and concerned' TV crew, the sight of him scoffing the lot in front of his ravenous companions was nothing less than demonic. Some Christian he turned out to be.
It's ironic that Zoë, one of the world's most annoying inhabitants, provided one of the few entertaining moments in the show. After depriving her teammate of a phone call privilege (he was desperate to speak to his children), she dragged her girlfriend out of bed in the middle of the night to tell her she was going to bequeath a Harley Davidson upon her when she won the cash. Never has a half-wakened woman sounded so unimpressed. She probably had a new bit of stuff tucked under the duvet. And I¹ll bet, like me, wanted to punch old Zoë right on her square-jaw. Hard.
Then there was the backstabbing. And boy, did it get tedious. Bringing out the worst qualities of the contestants brought out the worst qualities in the viewer, i.e. we switched it off. The bitchiness that had bubbled under the surface from the start boiled over into a pathetic mesh of playground tittle-tattle and Chinese whispers. When they started spatting about rice rations for the ten-zillionth time I almost beat my own TV set up. Never have so many missiles been launched in my living room. By the end I wished the entire five-faced lot of them had been marooned on Kuma-wotsit for good.
And the final much like all John "Wanker" Lesley's corny interviews was an utter sham. Not only had the contestants been back in the UK for over 2 months but the viewers were encouraged to spend a hard-earned 10 pence on a phone poll that made absolutely naff all difference to the outcome. They dragged the thing out for two whole hours the only up-side being the benefit of watching the re-civilised 'jury' squirming at their own pathetic treachery. Oh, and a nearly punch-up between a contestant and 'Wooden' Austin.
Big Brother has a formula that works. The contestants are seriously under pressure. Their environment, in a confined space under constant scrutiny, is real. They have endeared themselves to a nation because we see all sides of their character. They have to work as a team or they'll be nominated and that gives the group the chance to test both their own and each others mettle. The participants are chosen skilfully and carefully and as a result it has the ability to be funny. We, the glorious British public, have a say in who goes and who wins.
It's a shame the 'Survivor' producers didn't take notice of any of this when they came up with the half-baked idea for their desert island debacle.
A final note; a message in a bottle to my favourite castaways.... Mick, may your bum be forever blighted. Zoë, may you ride your phantom Harley into the sunset and never return. Pete, may God forgive you. And dear Charlotte may you spend your million on masses of chocolate and turn into a giant-size Snickers bar. You'll be far more interesting that way.
Johanna Payton
The X-Files (21:00, Thursday 21st June, Sky One)
The first part of this seasons finale left a tedious taste in my mouth. What used to be an inventive and fun sci-fi show is now taking itself far too seriously. Robert Patrick has proved to be a weak replacement for Duchovny, and as he's now leaving the show for good, the series will presumably only get worse. Another example of a US series which should have ended on a high, but has instead plowed it's formula to death. A real shame.
McCready and Daughter (20:30, Thursday 21st June, BBC1)
Now I hated Patsy Palmer in Eastenders, and fully expected to despise this latest pre-watershed detective series, but somehow it's okay. Palmer's barable, Lorcan Cranitch is amusing laidback and even the appearance of Gillian Tayleforth didnt spoil things. Not worth staying in for by any means, but worth catching if you have nothing better to do.
The Joy Of Text (19:25, Saturday 9th June, BBC1)
Look! Look how the BBC are spending your license fee. And revolt. Two hours of utter nonsense about people who love their mobile phones. What next? Microwave Night? I Love My Gameboy Day? It's time to stop paying, folks.
Family Guy (18:30, Wednesday 6th June, Sky One)
The second series of this fun if a little Simpsons-esque show has just started on Sky One in an annoyingly non prime time slot. But it is definitely worth catching in this dry tv summer.
Residents (22:00, Wednesday 6th June, BBC2)
Oddly touching yet disturbing comedy which has the feel of Jane Campion's early films (and that's a compliment, by the by). Another very good programme once again terribly scheduled by the BBC.
Initially, it's quite hard to follow the comings and goings of this hip 'n' groovy Australian gang, mainly because there are so damn many of them. And to makelife more complicated (which it
Ok, deep breath, here's a summary: Alex, a doctor and Courtney Cox-a-like, is best friends with Gabrielle, a Steffi Graf doppelganger (maybe they couldn't find a Jennifer Anniston clone?). Gabrielle is married to Jason (aka Bush Tucker Love Rat) who's had/having an affair with Alex. Alex lives with Evan, a budding writer, who's fallen in love with an older woman but is terrified of commitment. They also share a flat with Kelly (token big bird/native Australian two stereotypes for the price of one!), who works in a dating agency despite having a disastrous love life her most recent 'beau', a slime-pot called Joseph, insisted on calculating their restaurant bills down to the cent (but good to see Neighbours' Malcolm Kennedy back in circulation). Keeping up so far?
Will (so cute you want to pick him up and put him in your pocket), is fending off his obsession with self-centred Leah by bedding the blonde and bubbly Sam, while his flat-mate Miranda (who is definitely out of Heartbreak High) is struggling to keep a handle on her relationship with Richie an actor who has embarked upon an illicit liaison with Simon (Kyle McClachlan's evil Australian twin) the gay bartender at their local haunt, 'Fubar' (love the pun).
Confused? You will be. But once you've got a handle on the myriad story-lines and relationships you can start to settle into a gorgeous blend of sharp and witty dialogue, 21st century blight and a gratuitous Oz-fest of eye-candy, the likes of which have not been spotted since the halcyon days of Neighbours (circa Mike, Henry, Beth and Bronwyn) good heavens!
'The Secret Life Of Us' is a must-see for anyone who's been charmed by the likes of 'Dawson's Creek' or 'This Life'. The acting is good (particularly by Australian standards eat your heart out 'Home And Away') and sensitive subject matter is tackled with tact and honesty. Alex's role as a doctor gives the show an ER/Casualty twist 'the female baby with enlarged genital organs' story-line was handled exquisitely and rather than playing for cheap & shocking thrills, Richie's gay encounter, while perfidious, was conveyed as natural, passionate and genuine. Even Will's foray with impotence came across with style and sensitivity. Serious social issues, such as patriarchal Australian sexism, is confronted head on and even Bush Tucker Love Rat (see above) has been forced to submit to marriage guidance counselling.
Don't be put off by your 'Prisoner Cell Block H' preconceptions. This Australian import is fresh and exciting and not a bikini or a 'rack off you dag' in sight. The series could be set in any major Westernised city the location is not the key it's the chemistry of the characters that unlocks the door of TV addiction.
The occasional narration, provided by Kelly (a big girl with a big heart) and Evan ("The Irvine Welsh of inner city Melbourne"), is insightful and illuminating, and it doesn't take long before you feel like a member of their fun and funny clique. Next to 'The Secret Life Of Us', 'Hollyoaks', formerly the Holy Grail of under-thirties entertainment, pales into insignificance. The warm and inspirited performances of these talented young actors kicks the collective ass of The Fallen Oaks' and it's big-bosomed-blonde-airhead android school of acting (more from me on the subject of Hollyoaks soon - I'm storing ammunition!).
And 'The Secret Life Of Us' can only get better: Richie's sexuality crisis, the simmering affection between Will and Miranda, Alex and Bush Tucker Love Rat on the brink of another affair, Evan's quest to get his book published, Miranda's dodgy Karaoke singing - bring it all on!
With any luck, the series will run beyond the conclusion of Big Brother and give us all something nourishing to digest before we hit the sack on a Tuesday and Wednesday eve. Check it out next week and I guarantee you're dreams will be sweet. Bonza!
Johanna Payton
A Lump In My Throat – (21:00, Sunday 15th July, BBC2)
In a long, mostly hot summer bereft of anything even approaching good television, A Lump In My Throat came along as a bittersweet surprise. An hour long play based on the tragic yet poignant story of journalist John Diamond’s battle with throat cancer, it was by no means easy to watch, but it was uncommonly special tv.
At times when it could have slipped towards melodrama, the biting script, adapted from Diamond’s own columns, kept it invigorating viewing, and even though the topic is undeniably a difficult subject, the end result was something surprisingly life affirming and upbeat.
Neil Pearson, who I had presumed had forgotten how to act, has finally come through with the early promise he once showed, and manages to portray all of Diamonds varied reactions to the stages of his disease with ease, by no means a simple task. Intercut with video footage of Diamond himself to emotional effect, if anyone wasn’t deeply touched by this play then a trip to a therapist is clearly needed.
It’s been a long time since the BBC have produced anything innovative and original, and it’s just a shame that such good tv had to come from such tragic circumstances.
For those interested in this programme, there’s a superb article about it's creation on the Times Website by the play’s director, Olivia Lichtenstein, at: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0,,472-2001231924,00.html
Alex Finch
Brand New: (23:00,Tuesdays, Repeated 00:00, Thursdays and Sundays, MTV)
The undisputed showcase for the best new music, fronted by the highly respected Zane Lowe, is the only show worth tuning in for, in order to sample the best offerings for the forthcoming months. Granted, Adam and Joe may have taken the rise out of the pastel background and Lowe's laid-back approach, but in all honesty, it's he who should be having the last laugh. After all, it is where I get most of my information from.
Craig Aston.
Arguably the best presenter on mainstream TV, Dermot O'Leary fronts this amiable extension of the Big Brother format, to encourage further feedback from its audience, and reinforce the sense of interactivity which accompanies the show. Co-hosted by Big Brother Evictees; the presenting has varied from decent (Stuart), ok (Penny) to downright annoying (Narinder). The competitions that have been set, have been interesting and engaging, and this is a worthy supporting programme.
Whilst in contrast, Davina McCall has to be one of the most irritating presenters on TV at this present moment. She is very superficial in her opinions, and comes across as loud and obnoxious, clearly created from her extrovert style of presenting. It is certainly the least formats available. Recommendation to turn the
Craig Aston
I think Craig’s being a little unfair on Davina here, as I really like the Friday night live shows. Firstly its mostly scripted, so the superficial opinions aren’t really hers, and she can’t be blamed for the content of the show. Plus it shouldn’t be forgotten that the evictee in question is almost always either emotionally fragile, hyped up and/or pissed and have to be dealt with carefully. Sure, a Jeremy Paxman type interview would be fun, but chances are that the evictee in question would just throw back four letter abuse at this sort of questioning.
Oh, and by the by, just what were you lot thinking out there when you evicted Bubble? Alas, Brian will be so less funnier now that he and Narinder have gone. You crazed fools.
Alex Finch
One of the remaining US shows that is great at what it does; in this case, political escapism.
President Josiah Bartlett (Martin Sheen) and his spin doctors extraordinaire were shunted, after failing to sustain decent ratings, arguably induced by Channel 4's negligible consideration for the scheduling of one of America's critically acclaimed, popular and successful series in recent years.
At a time when the summer schedules are to be quite frank 'poor', it is a relief to find a good quality drama available. E4 maintain their stranglehold on exclusive quality drama, scheduling this show and the new series of 'The Sopranos' after ER's conclusion in the early part of June.
Craig Aston.
No, I haven¹t been at the Absinthe again. This is Banzai - Channel 4's latest and most ingenious televisual treat.
Have you ever pondered, during late night,
Banzai is here to answer those questions and to make life even more delectable, you're given the opportunity to bet on the answers a la the Royle Family watching 'Antique's Roadshow'. Throw into the mix the Shake Hands Man, with his unique brand of celebrity torture (how long can he maintain a continuous handshake while interviewing a star?), time-challenges such as 'Squirrel Fishing' and a huge helping of nudity, naughtiness and all-out nuttiness and you've got one of the most stimulating and hilarious TV experiences this side of the millennium.
The brain child of Dennis Pennis creator, Gary Monaghan, Banzai Combines many tried and tested formulas. There's the weird and wonderful (think TFI Friday's 'Freak Or Unique'), a liberal Eurotrashian attitude, an off-beat humour championed by the likes of Vic Reeves and Harry Hill and a rapidly-moving pace akin to The Fast Show. The astutely chosen soundtrack intensifies the comedy (the intro of Phil Collins' 'In The Air Tonight' during Harold Bishop's knock down ginger was nothing less than legendary) while the cunning utilisation of 'c' list celebrities is sure to propel the show to ultra-cult status while it's still in it¹s first run.
The commentary is fresh, silly and masses of fun. The show wouldn't have been complete without the contribution of Bert Kwouk, who must be one of the only comedy actors to achieve a cult-cool that spans over four decades. His star turn on the Harry Hill Show has obviously given him a golden affiliation with Channel 4's alternative comedy scheduling, and there's little doubt that he has another winner on his hands with Banzai.
The magic of the show lies in it's ability to turn political correctness on it¹s head. We know we're not supposed to laugh at birds harnessed to helium balloons, or Grannies racing in motorised wheelchairs or even women with hideous braces on their teeth but by giving the package a far-Eastern exterior we feel justified in waging bets and wetting ourselves. In the tradition of that great Japanese game show 'Endurance', we assume the players will do just about anything to get their faces on TV.
The participants of Banzai are willing victims. There's no malice directed at the supermarket trolley jousters or the umbrella roulette players members of the public involved in the show know exactly what they're in for, and even the celebrity guests have enough of a nudge-nudge-wink-wink attitude to satisfy us that they are not being duped entirely. Everybody's happy.
Unlike character-based sketches or reality-TV shows, the material for Banzai could keep us entertained for a long time. There must be an Inexhaustible supply of bizarre challenges to be explored, minor celebs to be exploited and unwitting hands to be shaken. I defy anyone to watch for more than ten minutes without dipping into their pocket for small change to gamble with. The show was originally screened on E4 to the post-pub audience and its success has swiftly transferred it to the terrestrial airways. It¹s initial slot, hot on the heels of Big Brother 2, should guarantee fair viewing figures, but personally, I hope that the word spreads like wildfire and Banzai is a ratings knockout.
The translation of Banzai is 'Hooray' and I'd certainly second that. The barking mad programme has my highest recommendation but will this game-show-meets-comedy-meets-day-down-at-Ladbrokes prove to be the most successful show on TV? Place your bets!
Johanna Payton.
We Know Where You Live (22:00, Saturday 16th June, Channel 4)
It’s not that we’re only watching C4 at the moment, it’s just that all of the other channels are showing such utterly trivial nonsense that I just don’t have the time or energy to criticise it. In what has to be the worst summer for tv that I can remember, with not even a footie comp to liven things up, this has to be one of the highlights of the season.
An alternative variety show marking Amnesty Internationals’s 40th anniversary, it was packed, infact a little too packed, with a mixture of sketches and stand up from the likes of Eddie Izzard, Dom Joly, Reeves and Mortimer the Goodness Gracious Me team, Jeremy Hardy, Jonathon Ross, Sean Lock, Phil Jupitus and many many more. So whilst a few fell a little flat (Jupitus’ Star Wars routine becoming more than a little tired now, Simon Day looking dated without his fast show co-horts to save him), there were a fair few special moments.
And whilst you may not believe it, Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse provided the biggest laughs of the night with a barbed attack on each others careers that was both brave and almost hysterically funny. What Comic Relief should be like.
Alex Finch
For a reasonably long time now I’ve questioned why I watch Eastenders. Most of the characters annoy, and those who don’t no doubt will soon do so. The Storylines are beyond repetitive, and viewing never evokes any real emotion other than tedium and the odd occasional flash of anger.
It’s the literary equivalent of choosing to read Barbara Cartland or Mills and Boon instead of, say, Jane Austin or Graham Greene, though obviously so little of tv can be compared to any great writing. But you’re never going to be inspired by a soap opera, just placated by it’s inane triviality, it’s ever monotonous but reliably familiar plotlines.
It’s the only soap opera I watch these days, mainly due to the odd occasion where it surpasses its limitations and the situation and dialogue has entertained. As with the whole a thousand monkeys/a thousand typewriters adage it’s able to surprise occasionally, some actors actually convince and sometimes the serious topic of the week (drugs, crime, HIV, murder, rape, adultery etc, etc, etc.) is dealt with sensitively.
But this is increasingly becoming rarer, and you have to wonder just how long they can drag it out. Still, as Coronation Street has proved by lasting forty years and never attempting anything near innovation, there’s no real answer to this question.
Whilst the ratings are high the infidelities, grudges, murder attempts and rivalries will continue forever in soap land. But with 90 minutes to fill each week within the vague rules of realism soaps live by, there’s only so many topics even a soap can cover, and too many ‘comedy’ characters (Robbie, Terry, Janine, Phil Mitchell) clutter up our screens for the rest of the increasingly frustrating time.
And I know I’m clearly in the minority here. Despite digital channels seriously eroding terrestrial viewing figures, Eastenders and Coronation Street always top the BARB charts, with a good five or six million viewers more than there nearest contenders, and the trend in soaps seems set to continue with both the BBC and ITV planning to show more episodes, and even tongue in cheek American soaps are back in style.
Which I guess is why I’m so annoyed with them all. The ridiculously large amount of money they cost could be spent so much better elsewhere, and maybe then the Beeb would actually make a decent comedy or drama for a change.
Jack Dee’s Happy Hour (22:35, Friday 1st June, BBC1)
You want to like Jack Dee. After all, he made Celebrity Big Brother watchable with his cheeky escapades and genuine likeability. But as a stand up comedian he’s just not cutting it anymore, and his latest show is pretty painful viewing at times as it just doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be.
Thus in thirty minutes we’re treated to: Jack doing a bit of stand up. Jack going out and meeting strange people; Jack insulting a celebrity and then letting them plug their latest product; Jack taking the piss out of vox pops of people asking him odd questions; An animated Jack doing something stupid.
It might be varied, but it’s also shockingly mundane, with Dee relying on his customary formula of droll put downs and sardonic quips which haven’t really changed since he first appeared on our screens. Sadly very disappointing.
Click here for Tv Comment: January to May 2001, or here to get back to the current reviews.
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