He could have made her cry! Questioned if she knew what semen tastes like! Tried to be be even slightly interesting! But no! Instead all he did was drool, adore, and embarrass himself in this sickeningly self-congratulatory interview. Of course the fact that Britney seemed to barely understand anything Frank said didn't exactly help things, and her incessant giggling got really tiring after a while, so maybe there was no point in being offensive. But it would have been so much fun…. Sigh. A real lost opportunity. (AF)
Johnny Vaughan Tonight (11:05pm, Monday - Wednesday, BBC1)
Just what we need - another chat show. And as you'll have no doubt realised by now, there's not enough celebs to go around, so pretty much everyone you'll see here has already appeared on Richard and Judy, Ruby, Liquid News, Graham Norton or Frank Skinner in the last couple of weeks. Still Vauhan's just about amusing enough to deserve a shot at this sort of thing (though thrice weekly is too much) and I'd rather see Des O'Connor or Jonathon Ross's efforts put out to pasture than this. (AF)
Club Reps (10.30pm, Thursday 24th January)
God knows why this is so popular, it's an exact copy of Sky's inane Uncovered series of porn-umentaries, and of no real interest. Sure it's fun to watch people get stupidly drunk for a while, but only a very short one - Five minutes? No, that's too long. One minute? Yes. Yes, that sounds about right. Anyway, not only should the programme be avoided, but those that watch it too. (AF)
Shooting Stars (9pm, Sunday 13th January, BBC Choice)
Why come up with new idea’s when you can endlessly recycle your greatest hits? And that’s what Vic and Bob seem to have been doing for far too long now. Okay, it’s nice to see them being bizarrely funny again (especially post-Randall and Hopkirk Deceased), but the world’s crying out for something new from them, not just auto-piloted material like this. (AF)
Thumb Bandits (11.50pm, Friday 11th January, C4)
Out of the ashes of BITS, comes a better produced Games Console show, presented by the most charismatic of the former BITS girls, Aleks Krotoski, and former 11 o'clock show host and passionate gamehead Iain Lee. Lee tries his best to keep the humour of the show at as cheap as possible a level, but his honesty and personal passions for particular games keep his reviews interesting, and Aleks has always been a good presenter, and works very well with Lee. Ideal World hopefully will see the light and give VIDS a well deserved make-over, without losing Nige and Stef. (CA)
Black Books (11.20pm, Friday 11th January, C4)
A welcome return for this sadly overlooked comedy during its first run. Dylan Moran plays a bookshop owner, and continues his superb comic actor performances from "How do you want me?" from BBC 2. Plus a superb supporting cast including Bill Bailey, playing Manny the accountant. This was described in the Daily Mail as "the funniest comedy since Blackadder" at the time, and is inventive enough to back such a statement. (CA)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (8pm, Thursday 10th January, Sky One)
One of the few US shows to be improving with years, as this becomes darker by the episode, and really explores the premise’s possibilities. So whilst this two hour season opener took a while to get going, bringing the title character back from the dead should never be handled lightly, I guess, and word from the US suggests that as the series continues it gets better and better. And showing it in a double bill with Angel is one of the few thing’s Sky has done right recently too. Will miracles never cease, etc, etc? (AF)
It's familiar material, esp. for those who've watched La Femme Nikita and Dark Angel (and countless others), but it's darker, and unafraid to be a tad complicated, at least in tv terms. When boyfriend Danny is killed half an hour in by the agency Sydney
So whilst it's obviously influenced by a certain Mr Bond (though far more pc), if they can keep up the quality levels week in week out, it should hopefully develop in to something a little more interesting than your average US fare, and that too long running movie series. Like the majority of tv, it isn't essential viewing, but certainly worth dipping in to from time to time.
E.R. (9:30pm, Thursday 17th January, E4)
I first watched E.R. not by choice, not because I was looking for some exciting and innovative drama, but for desensitisation reasons. Tired of feeling squeamish whenever someone cut their finger, I forced myself to watch E.R. each and every week, until the point that I can now quite happily watch someone have their internal organs juggled around with whilst blood covers the room, and not look away. Though I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not.
And over the years it's insidiously become part of my weekly viewing habits, and is now one of the few drama's where I truly care about the characters. Perhaps it's because it's not afraid to develop them, and no one seems to be immortal (well, perhaps bar Noah Wyle's John Carter), and that during the first five or six years it mostly kept away from the more soapy elements and stuck to the hard hitting drama side of things. This, plus a much higher level of acting, always made it far better viewing than Casualty or Holby City, or any other British effort for that matter.
Alas during the last two seasons or so, the soapy elements have been on the rise, suddenly nearly all of the characters have an extended family, and each suffers a personal revelation/tragedy each week. And it has suffered a little, become a little less realistic than it once was, as the big moral issues of the day are sidelined and personal relationships become the centre of attention. Still, even an off form E.R. is immensely better than it's competition, but for the first time there's signs that the end should start beginning pretty soon, before it goes terribly wrong.
Alex Finch.
It's that time of year. We're a few pounds heavier, our wardrobe's are crammed with chunky new sweaters that we'll never wear and the drinks cabinet is tragically baron. It can only be....January! Despite the cold, the lack of cash and the broken resolutions, there is a huge consolation prize to help us through the long, dark nights - a brand spanking new TV schedule, stuffed with more new series than a turkey's rear on Christmas morning.
No lack of slack-mouths in the new series of 'Sex And The City' (Wednesdays, 10pm, C4) which kicked off with Carrie's 35th birthday celebrations / commiserations. As Carrie picked up the phone to invite the relationship-phobic Big (the most annoying name in TV history) to her birthday party, Samantha attempted to seduce a priest (please!), Miranda pondered being single (again) and Charlotte attempted to sort out her marriage (yawn) - although I did wake up when Trey jizzed on her leg. Excellent stuff (the gag, not the jiz). In the second episode of the double-bill (as if you hadn't had enough already) Carrie tried her hand at being a model - but her tiny feet let her down (being described as 'fashion roadkill' has to be a highlight), Miranda starting shagging some geezer from the gym (just another nameless, faceless notch on the bedpost) and Samantha The Slut paid professional photographers to take naked pictures of her and her nether regions - presumably so she can masturbate 'over' herself when she gets bored of the priest. Jesus. When will these gals ever learn? Probably never. Not when the only sexually related disease in their world appears to be a 'depressed vagina' and the curse of plastic surgery means The Sluts can probably continue their on-screen shag-fest for a number of years before we really can't stomach any more of their sagging flesh. The worse thing is, I actually enjoying watching this bevy of morally reprehensible soft-porn. I want Carrie and that guy (whose name I can't bring myself to write down twice) to get it together, I want Trey to get it up, I want Miranda to find her soulmate. I do, however, want Samantha to die of an archaic 16th century STD - but I think that's the point. Its awful to say it, but at the front of the show, as the resplendent twin towers gleam majestically and tantalisingly behind the credits, you have to ask yourself, is it any wonder religious fanatics hate Americans? Its the only instance where I can truly relate to the concept of being attracted and repelled by the culture at the same time. Yeah, yeah, it's funny, it's sassy, it's got attitude blah-de-blah - but it's so lacking in any moral fibre or sense of decency it's a prostitution of drama. Who didn't wince - excuse the pun(ani) - when Samantha dribbled in the pew and then took the sheets for a Catholic-spirited wank? And this is beamed out all over the world. God help America.
Johanna Payton
johanna_payton@hotmail.com
Footballer's Wives (9pm, Tuesday 8th January, ITV)
'From the Makers of Bad Girls'. I wonder if that is worth shouting about? Before I get accused of being a hypocrite due to my fanaticism over OZ, I will say this: as far as I can make out, Bad Girls features heavy amounts of lust, and the sex is heavily marketed in the trailers, whilst OZ has always been about other issues as well as sex, which is a graphic but minor issue, as mortality, sexuality, and religion have always been more prominent, and it is the writing that made it so.
Basically, I think the writing of Bad Girls is weaker than OZ, which doesn't bode well for this Jackie Collins-esque "Footballer's Wives". My first thoughts on the programme were that it was about sex, arrogance, and money. Granted, that is the lifestyle of most Premier League sides, but do we have to watch such a shallow drama on it? I'd rather watch a drama that would make me think, rather than tantalise the same way a more mature soap opera would. Still, I'm sure the media interest will make it a success.
Craig Aston.
Big Train (9.30pm, Monday 7th January, BBC2)
And it should have been good too - the first series was pretty marvellous, yeah? Perhaps not the kind of
But, alas, this just didn’t work too well - whilst a few sketches were genuinely comedy-tastic, (the best of these being Heap’s first meeting his deformed mother which was disturbingly hysterical), such moments were few and far between, and material such as The Ball shop and Duck Hide gags, and Simon Pegg not being able to open doors, grated in the extreme. It wasn’t all bad, but the majority of the other sketches only elicited struggled smiles, and though I wanted too, laughing out loud just wasn’t an option.
And I’m tired of making excuses for a programme, for always wanting it to be funnier than it ever was. It’s been a long time now since a British comedy has been able to compete with American imports, despite the majority of these becoming weaker by the day. And judging by this, it looks like we’'ve still got a long time to wait.
Alex Finch.
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