100 Greatest Tv Treats of the Year (21:15, Saturday 29th December, C4)
More now-nostalgia tv which grated most of the time – the talking heads rarely had anything to do with the subject being discussed – June Sarpong being the worst offender, who’s now officially replaced Stuart Maconie (who co-wrote this but thankfully didn’t appear) as the most omnipresent celebrity with never anything interesting to say.
There were far too many soap moments (and quite often the wrong ones – Does anyone really care about Sharon’s hair extensions?) And three selections from The Priory, presumably only included to persuade Jamie Theakston’s to host this nonsense. And the Brasseye special at 41, whereas the much criticised ‘Who Shot Phil?’ dull-line came in at no.8?
Ah, why do I keep on expecting this sort of nonsense-tv to make sense?
The People of New York vs. Jerry Sadowitz (Series Review, C5)
I used to have a lot of time for Mr Sadowitz, a comedian who seemed to have no boundaries left to cross. And the UK version of this show was great, showcasing a wide of selection of some of Britain’s saddest people and allowing Sadowitz to showcase his lurid vocabulary.
But the US series was much poorer, mainly due to Jerry not allowing that many people to speak, and his treatment of women was shockingly poor - when he resulted to grabbing a womans breast, and later pulling down the shirt of another, for cheap laughs, you really have to question if he deserves to have his own tv show.
A shame too, as he once so showed so much promise.
Judge John Deed (20:30, Monday 17th December, BBC1)
Unrealistic’s the word here, as each week liberal Judge John Deed oversees various trials that uncannily have some parallel with events in his life.
Unfortunately for Martin Shaw, who’s flat one-note performance hinders any joy you might get from the vaguely interesting trials, the wonderful Daziel and Pascoe ran in this timeslot previously, and was everything this isn’t – well acted, complicated but intelligently, and fairly, so, and always thought provoking. Whilst still being fun at the same time.
But this isn’t – being badly paced, poorly plotted and simply never that exciting, this isnt a patch on the aforementioned programme – and now way deserved of feature length episodes. Ignore.
Tv Go Home (Tuesday 11th December, E4)
Adapted from the popular comedy tv listings website, this has potential, and a much larger budget than most of E4’s comedy premiers so far, but is frustratingly patchy.
Daily Mail Island, Scorch and The Arts Review satire all work well, and raise a fair few smiles at the least, but other sketches like The Flailers and Solitary are oft painful to view.
Still, it is nice to see Mr Bennett from Take Hart back on our screens, and it is much better than Play UK’s Unnovations (which is also based on the same site). So vaguely recommended, then.
Selling her soul to ITV is the reason for Quentin’s absence, but if she’s given up Creek to make dramedies such as the extremely bland Hot Money, than thank god for that, as it’s dramatically improved an already fine show. And this is mainly due to Julia Sawalha, who’s turned out to be the perfect foil for Creeks mundane ‘detective’, far more spunky and sassy than Quentin ever was, and injecting some much needed glamour in to the
This time around, Creek was brought in to investigate the death of an actress (Mary Tamm) during the shooting of a film, where no one was in the room with her at the time, and five nicely plausible candidates for the murder all in the next, including Steven Berkoff, who managed not to overact most of the time for once. Of course it’s nowhere near as simple as this, and there’s a satisfying collection of clues and red herrings for Creek to slowly mull over before he finally clears everything up.
It’s a terrible shame that Mary Tamm, most famous for playing the first Romana in Doctor Who, (and easily the finest companion Doctor Who ever had the joy of travelling through time with) has been off our screens so much over the last couple of decades, because in the short number of scenes she truly impressed, and hopefully this has been a fine showcase for her talents. Everyone else was fine too, even Davies, as whilst he’s a very bland actor (for example, have you ever seen him pull off any other expression than confused or smug?), this is a very bland role, and with this much talent around him you hardly notice anyway.
All in all it’s pretty enjoyable stuff. Hopefully Quentin is to never return, Sawalha will be the permanent co-star, and they’ll make at least a series a year. Then it’d finally suggest that tv bosses know what they’re doing. But don’t count on it.
The Lost World (18:35, Christmas Day/Boxing Day, BBC1)
Desperate to romance his fiancee, reporter Edward Malone (Matthew Rhys) is the first to support Challenger’s plan, and is quickly joined by Professor Summerlee (James Fox, personifying the establishment, and finally in a role that proves he can act). The rest of Challenger’s group is made up by Errol Flynn-alike Lord Roxton (Tom Ward) who handled the action side of things more than adequately, whilst the local missionary’s niece Agnes Cluny (Elaine Cassidy) was on hand to liberate the men and provide the romantic interest.
The first part charted the journey to Brazil and the entry in the plateau, which set up the character interactions nicely, whilst the second was concerned with the more heroic side of things, killing dinosaurs, falling in love, blowing up things etc. and whilst perhaps a little too long, script wise it was more than strong enough to carry you through the occasional dull moment.
Unlike Jurassic Park and the majority of alike Dinosaur films, this wasn’t just about the creatures and running as fast as you can away from the jaws of doom. As the plateau’s a snapshot of a world that evolved uniquely, our heroes have some angry ape-like creatures to handle (presumed to be the missing link), and, bizarrely, some Indians to placate. All the while whilst trying to escape from the plateau, and fall in love, of course. Which all made for an unpredictable and far more interesting premise, even if it is all a bit far fetched.
So yes, it was a tad pc, and moralistic at times, but it never got in the way of the action, and added a little more substance to the drama. More importantly, it was sumptuously shot, well written, directed and acted, and when tv’s this fun, it seems churlish to criticise. About as good as family orientated television gets.
A Christmas Tv Roundup
Every year I swear it can’t get any worse. But it has my friends, oh dear god, it has. Bar The Lost World and Jonathon Creek, and a couple of gems we’ll get to later, the majority of television aired over the xmas period has to rate amongst the worst seen in history. And the film’s the most bland and un-offensive (bar C4’s wonderful Almodovar season) made in years.
And no, we’re not over-exaggerating – Take the return of Only Fools and Horses, desperately relying on old jokes and tired actors. It’s never felt more contrived, and whilst OFAH has always been predictable, never so tiresomely, or so tackily. When Jonathon Ross appeared in the fake quiz show Goldrush, the show plumbed to new depths of comedy desperation, and from there on in it became a real struggle to continue watching it till the end. The Trigger Happy Tv specials were no better, also relying on a format well past it’s sell by date, and if it hadn’t been for Joly partly redeeming himself in the Being Dom Joly mockumentary, this review would have been much much harsher.
Christmas specials of various chat, quiz and comedy shows decided to trot out tacky Popstars and well past their sell by date comedians (yes, Lenny Henry and Alistair McGowan, we mean you) instead of anyone interesting, More Family Misfortunes highlighted how unfunny the too-long running quiz show has been for years now, and how I wish those found episodes of Dad’s Army had never been discovered.
Sky One was predictably appalling over the whole season, either showing seventeen episodes of The Simpsons a day, or those mind-numbing, I don’t care in the first place ‘secrets of magic revealed 18’ type shows. Their only original piece of programming was the Time Gentlemen Please Xmas special, which was, somehow, even worse than the average episode of Sky’s disappointing sitcom.
But then it shouldn’t have been a surprise – Christmas just doesn’t seem to take place on digital tv. E4 pretty much ignored it, deciding to show documentaries on the Spice Girls instead of anything remotely interesting, or seasonal, and BBC Choice showed some half decent horror movies, but bar the Evil Dead 2, nothing that special.
So back to terrestrial land, where films wise, bar the odd Hitchock movie and the aforementioned Almodovar season, only Toy Story, The Red Shoes and The Great Escape were worth catching, but who hasn’t seen them a hundred times before anyway? Bar that, it was all pretty terrible - did anyone over the age of seven watch the terrestrial premier’s of Rush Hour, Flubber, The Mask of Zorro, Jack or even Sliding Doors? No. We thought not. And they were sadly the best on offer.
Still, it wasn’t all bad - Banzai was as fine as usual, and the ‘who can ejaculate the quickest?’ challenge made this reviewer laugh in that shocked ‘they can’t really do that, can they?’ kind of way for the first time since the Brasseye special back in July, and the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire celebrity specials surprised, mainly due to Skinner and Baddiel making such a cute couple for a change, and Neil and Christine Hamilton such a hideously hilarious one (not for a change). And seeing Christine break down on television yet again is always fun of course.
But for the adult viewer, seeking out anything new that was even remotely provocative or interesting, once again the terrestrial channels let us all down.
With a title like that, you’d expect lots of footage of heroic policeman solving various insidious crimes, right? With much dashing around, swearing and criminals finally being violently apprehended, or would that make just too much sense? And the opening titles suggest this too, with officers breaking down doors and cars screeching around corners.
But no. Oh no. Now I’ve never seen this before, so maybe it was a one off ‘extra-dull special episode’, but the programme shown on Sunday evening has absolutely nothing to do with any of the above. And has to rate as one of the most tedious, if unintentionally hilarious, tv shows I’ve ever seen. In the first half all we got to see was Officer Kevin Holland aimlessly / cluelessly wandering around a housing estate at night, harassing some teenagers for the crime of standing against a wall, and chatting to some dope smoking kids, who he had no interest in arresting. Whilst in the second half, several policeman observed a hunt being interfered with by Saboteurs. Where no one actually committed a crime. Apart from one man who stood too close to a dog, but was later released uncharged.
There’s no reason for tv this bland to exist, not even in a Sunday afternoon timeslot, but I’m kind of glad it does. It’s an accidentally insightful look into absurd situations which really should never take place in the first place. And by far the funniest programme ITV have produced in years.
Comedy Lab (23:45, Thursday 13th December, C4)
But Turn the World Down, a one off comedy for the normally quiet weak Comedy Lab, showcased him at his best, shambling, sweet and genuinely funny. Though not actually written by him, which may go someway to explain why it was so good, it showed that he’s far better a comedian than his performances on Buzzcocks could ever suggest, and that he really can act.
Event’s switched between Hughes’ Eddie choosing to propose to girlfriend Rosie after breaking down on a motorway, and a neighbour’s flat back home where Rosie’s son Ollie is staying with a friend who beds his P.E. teacher, who he then see’s in a pink dressing gown, and a classic stand-off situation kicks off. Throughout this, stand up comic Brendon Burn’s friend of the family finds himself commentating on events, adding a much needed surreal take on the situation.
Pithy, realistic dialogue and characters, a real sense of truth in the situations, quite unlike nearly all sitcoms, if you have to compare than it was a kind of more optimistic Happiness, but equally as good. The only Comedy Lab to deserve a series. Hopefully Channel Four realises this too.
When Louis Met The Hamiltons (21:00, Tuesday 11th December, BBC2)
Though at first the programme was based around the couples attempts to promote a dull cookery show, and break in to the media, the various ways that the media can manipulate a person’s life became the programme’s central themes, after allegations of sexual assault were made against the couple. Which as Theroux admitted, was rather fortunate, as he’d quickly become all too aware of the couple’s limitations as interesting tv material prior to the allegations being made.
And out of the stress and strain of a fairly traumatic moment, seeing the couple at their rawest was painful viewing, but far more interesting than what had proceeded it. Even if after a while you couldn’t help but question what was real, and when it was just Christine merely trying to manipulate both Louis and the viewer. Fortunately when under the influence of alcohol, her true, if slightly tragic, colours shone through, and she was able to admit “I’m pretty grim to live with on a
Neil kept mainly to the background, occasionally expressing a view, or laughing at some vague cheap innuendo, but most of his time seems to be spent trying, if oft failing, to keep Christine under control. And thus came out looking rather normal. Then again, Hitler, or even Chris Evans, would probably have seemed rather sane if he’d hung around with someone like Christine. Crying one moment for the press, namedropping the next, before criticising the media she so clearly thrives on: “I can’t do anything right…I can’t win can I,” she fails to see that she’s never going to win – and perhaps that’s the most sad thing about the whole situation. The only way out for the Hamilton’s is to refuse to play the game at all, but despite Louis’s attempts at pointing this out, they never really considered it an option. As implied, they have no other choice, there’s nothing else they can actually do but exploit themselves.
So perhaps you can’t blame the Hamilton’s for trying to make the best out of a bad situation. But you’re not going to like them. Whereas even Paul Daniels and Jimmy Saville came across as occasionally sympathetic, the only people who are going to empathise with them are surely those in the same situation. But no one who’s ever lived in reality-ville.
And so what did we learn from eighty minutes spent with Neil and Christine? Well, ego and image is everything to them, well, bar money of course, concepts like subtlety, truth and rational thinking have no place in the Hamilton household, and that life as an object of public ridicule is not a fun way to live. Still, as previously mentioned, it made great tv, and that’s all that matters. At least to the Hamilton’s, anyhow.
Alex Finch.
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