Now, first of all, let's explode some myths about Sex. Both partners do not need to be awake in order for Sex to be achieved. The ears are a perfectly valid orifice for penetration. Four or even five participants, usually guarantees the best Sex, especially if no fewer than two of them have been paid. Sneezing can enhance the moment of climax. Pretending your partner is the serving US President is an effective way to "spice things up". Anal conception is in fact the number one way to make a baby.
Sage words all, but how are they related to the spirit world? Let me explain. In the afterlife, those that have passed on are etheral, having attained a higher state. Some of the deceased are pleased about this, generally women, and rejoice in their new found disembodiment. Most ex-people, however, were not frigid bitches when they were alive and so are actually quite upset at having to spend eternity without so much as a quick BJ.
That's where you come in! Yes, you oh children of the Internet. I know that many of you are intercourse-starved semi-lunatics who have realised only too late that the much touted cybersex is in fact just wanking. Well now there is a solution to your loneliness that doesn't include flying to Thailand and being murdered by beautiful-but-evil hookers. Yes, there are literally
billions of attractive ghosts who are absolutely gagging for a good seeing to. No strings attached Sex, as wrong and perverse as you like.
Obviously there is a catch in that dead people are pretty hard to meet, even harder than girls, and they're generally immaterial, which can also be a turn-off. But fear not, I have been working around the clock with representatives of the Underworld and we have come up with a fantastic new dating service, Stiffies, that can bring people like you into contact with swinging ghosts of all breast sizes. Furthermore they can be made solid enough to touch with my patented Ectogasm spray.
So why are you sitting there still reading this? You could be having Sex right now! And think of all those dead goddesses you could be having Sex with. Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Joan of Arc, Princess Diana, Mother Theresa. Every single one is on my books and keen to meet a living person to relive the good old days when they could service men as
nature intended. So sign up today, for a small, well alright fairly large fee, and start your philandering ways tonight! Remember, Sex needn't be something left to successful or handsome people or rapists.
Sex: Try it today with Stiffies, my latest gift to the world! May Sex be with you always.
Damien Hart.
To find out more ways of experiencing carnality with The Dead, why not visit: http://www.derekacorah.org/
To read Damien's column about Religion, and his dealings with God, please click here.
To read Damien's column about The Pyschic World, please click here.
To read Damien's column about Spiritual Healing, please click here.
To read Damien's column about Clairvoyance, please click Here.
Or Click Here To Discuss The Paranormal Experience With Damien Hart on our forum.
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