BBC Breakfast (06:00, Monday Friday, BBC1)
JEREMY BOWEN - "THE THINKING MAN'S RICHARD MADLEY"
It's a tragedy. There are nameless (and shameless) thousands out there in armchair-land who still mourn the TV-passing of Richard & Judy. Bored housewives, once glued to "This Morning" on a near-religious daily basis, can now be found flicking aimlessly between Trisha and Big Brother Craig. Students, driven by sheer boredom, have begun to attend their mid-morning lectures rather than trying to oust dumb old ladies on Midday Money. Ex-students, still suffering withdrawal symptoms years after doffing their cap and gown, ponder the point of taking a sickie ever again.
Those dreadful weeks when Richard and Judy vanished on holiday and were replaced by inferior presenters such as Karen "did I mention my mother is Gloria Hunniford?" Keating are now, alas, the best thing daytime TV has to offer. The mogul of blunder, Sir Richard of Madley, is but an affectionate memory.
Jeremy Bowen is a serious journalist. Even if you're not au fait with the joys of "BBC Breakfast" you'll recognise him right away. He's the grey dude with the 'tash picturing him in desert combats reporting live from a mine field in the Gaza Strip ought to jog your memory. He's been on our screens for years - one of the BBC¹s most prolific Middle Eastern correspondents, what he doesn't know about the Arab-Israeli conflict isn't worth knowing. And after aeons out on the front line he's been dragged back in from the dessert for a cushy, pre-retirement sofa-based job as anchorman on BBC's Breakfast daily.
And what a joy he's turning out to be. He certainly ain't cut out for high profile, magazine-style presenting, but then neither was Madley and look what a legend he turned out to be. Jeremy approaches every news item (particularly medical or relationship features) with an appealing childlike innocence that spills over into a tactless, bungling indiscretion. Sound familiar? And he's got the added advantage of having a range of comedy catch phrases related to his days in the Holy Land. "When I was out in Israel" may not sound particularly side-splitting, but you wait until he manages to get it in during a feature about Harry Potter, modern French cooking or bunions. Just brilliant.
Like Madley, Jeremy Bowen has no real concept of professionalism. Just a few weeks ago he suggested that the resident TV quack should give herself a flu jab so she wouldn't have to bother going to the doctors. When she pointed out that administering a vaccine to "oneself" is not ethical he protested, "but wouldn't it save an awful lot of time?". When they broke the news that Sharon Stone had suffered an embolism he ruined co-presenter Sophie's link to the news by demanding to know what an "embolism" was. Poor old Sophie (who has the patience of a Saint) didn't have a clue. I thought he was going to ask the viewers to call in.
Another classic moment came courtesy of a mushroom expert paying Sophie and Jeremy a visit to plug his book on fungal delicacies. Not satisfied with the plate of cooked mushrooms he'd been given for his breakfast (watching him shovel them in all morning really was a treat) he dived straight into the expert's mushroom basket, tearing off a huge chunk of prize-size fungus and ramming it into his gob. The mushroom man looked on aghast as Jezza spluttered "I don't mind them raw".
His obsession with the Middle East rears its comedy head every morning. He's been in his element over the current crisis in Afghanistan (just watch him twitch with excitement when he's behind that news desk) and any news about Israel leaves him chomping at the bit. When a bomb hit a shopping district in Jerusalem recently he went into overdrive. Only Jeremy's detailed description of the entire area, the shops and the likely number of people shopping there at that time of day made light of a potentially terrible situation. After his forecast of gloom and countless casualties he looked almost disappointed when a BBC bulletin confirmed that no one had been hurt.
And watch his wistful smiles when some young pretender reports live from his old stomping ground. No one does Israel like Jeremy and you just know he's dying to get back out there, dodging the bullets, flack jacket and all.
In the same way as Richard Madley, he drives you insane and yet you can't get enough of him at the same time. The fact that this all goes on against the traditional austerity of the BBC just adds to the amusement factor. You can almost hear the producers cringe and the guests are just baffled.
Jeremy was off recently because he was mugged, which made me incredibly sad (although I have to confess there were a few jokes in our house about the likely verbal exchange between Jezza and the criminal "this never happened when I was out in Israel" etc etc) and my mornings void of laughter. He's essential pre-work viewing and you actually get to grips with the morning's top news stories to boot - and from one silver fox to the next Kilroy's on straight after.
The only drawback, of course, is the early start but take my advice; put your last three hours of sleep on hold and tune into BBC Breakfast once in a while. You'll choke on your Cornflakes (in a good way) and you can always catch up on your "z's" while "This Morning" is on.
A new bungler is born. Don't miss him.
Johanna Payton
johanna_payton@hotmail.com
GMTV (06:00 - 9:25, Monday - Friday. ITV)
Put simply, John Stapleton is a man for the people. During a discussion over corporal punishment, he put across an understanding point of view, stating like so many elder generations how caning 'never did them any harm'. Agree or disagree with his views, the man handles discussions, interviews with such class you have to listen.
The only drawback is these sniping interruptions from Penny Smith, who has a tendency to fumble almost as much as Jeremy Bowen, and laugh as if, "Ooh, I made a mistake, aren't I funny?". I truly think that must be one of the reasons why she has regularly presented the news whilst Fiona Phillips and Eamonn Holmes gleefully leave their posteriors dented in the sofa.
It's no surprise really. Holmes can command any salary he wants to, and Fiona Phillips has a personality that the majority of women (housewives, mothers etc) can relate to. She has the added bonus of her husband now being the Editor in Chief, but I digress. Stand-ins Kate Garraway and Andrew Castle show promise,
The entertainment articles irritate me almost as much as Christopher Price's enthusiasm for superficiality. I really am dreading the day they get Helen Adams in to repeat the spots that she has reportedly done for Lorraine Kelly on Sky One. Whilst Joanna found Jeremy Bowen laughable, it is the format of GMTV that I feel 'could do better' to quote Secondary teachers everywhere.
Big Breakfast (07:00 - 09:00, Monday to Friday, C4)
It's really been the same format rejiggled and glamourised in a variety of different way, but there are elements of the Chris Evans era which are still prevalent even though the show has progressed in hype, style, and has improved through some of the presenters that have come and gone. Unfortunately, regeneration is the only thing that would save the show now. Don't just take the format apart and fit in into different slots, demolish it. Start from scratch.
It has been reported that viewing figures are resemblant of the Channel 4 Daily figures before it got the axe. I thought the channel 4 daily had potential, but as it was primarily a news and current affairs programme, figures rose during calendar events. But that alone could not sustain the programme's shelf life. Now the same could be said for the Big Breakfast.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee!
Craig Aston.
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