BAD BOYS II Dir: Michael Bay. Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence, Jordi Molla, Gabrielle Union, Peter Stormare. Trapped into seeing Bad Boys II, I have to confess my expectations couldn’t have been lower if I was watching a sequel to Vanilla Sky. All prepped with my Review’s Sneer and snarky remarks at the ready, you can imagine my terror when I actually started sniggering at the jokes. Every atom in my body is screaming against saying it, but Bad Boys II, if not exactly good, ain’t exactly bad, either. Maverick cops Mike and Marcus are reteamed again, but these days cocaine’s too passé, and terrorists too topical, so the bad guy is an ecstasy dealing Cuban helping the commies. Thrown into the mix is Marcus’ foxy sister, some Latino sidekicks, and a whole lotta sailor talk (and I don’t mean “doubloons”). To get their guy this time, the Bad Boys are going to have to break every rule in the book, rule one presumably being “Don’t act like a complete freaking idiot”. So, get ready for shotguns with dozens of bullets per round, Ferraris that can’t outrace semi-trailers and the most disorganised, maverick-encouraging police force sine Lethal Weapon. Add to this Michael Bay’s Ritalin-impaired jump-cut orgasm directing, and what do you get? Well, unbelievably, the results aren’t bad. It’s easy to forget that Martin Lawrence and Will Smith actually have some talent. Underneath a tidal wave of bad films, there is a good actor and a talented comedian hiding out. While the endless machismo wears you down, there’s no denying that these guys have a good sense of comic timing. The screenplay actually utilises this quite effectively, correctly gambling that we’re going to prefer giggles over gunfire, assuming they’re genuinely amusing. There are a few cringe-worthy moments, but on the whole, most of the gags work.
	The action is a bit more of a mixed bag. As a director, Bay only specialises in one type of action, so it’s all explosions and car-chases. At the same time, because of his evil, evil movies, it’s easy to forget the guy is actually good at what he does. Bay can’t hold a shot for more than one second, but his action sequences are surprisingly smooth. With four editors and at least six cameras in just about every scene, he reminds me of a young Oliver Stone; despicable, but undeniably talented. What really drags Bad Boys II down is the length. At over two and a half hours long, even the most die-hard action movie fan is going to find the proceedings a little slow. When are directors going to realise that not everything has to be Lord of The Rings or Harry Potter? 90 minutes is fine for an action movie; Bad Boys II is _not_ Lawrence of Arabia, and it doesn’t need to be. Action movies are so incredibly shitty these days, if I don’t feel like puking blood at the end, I know I’m on a winner. Bad Boys II staved off my nausea, but not my boredom. Michael Bay just wouldn’t understand: less is more! Less is more! C+ Patrick Garson. Comments?
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