You’ve Been Framed has been running on British television for far too long now. First fronted by the disturbing Jeremy Beadle (last seen trying to force his own money on the public on Channel 5) then by the desperately unfunny Lisa Riley, and now by the ever irritating Jonathon Wilkes, this half hour of tedious tv showcasing a selection of the publics funniest cam-corder clips just isn’t entertaining anymore. Interesting. Amusing. Watchable. Infact I’m not sure that it ever was.
However, that’s not the point. The one reason the show should continue throughout the next Millennium is that it’s a fantastically easy way to make easy money. If you’ve watched the show in the last couple of years you must have noticed how pathetic the clips are nowadays. Most weeks at least five babies fall over, a couple of brides faint and somebody gets hit in the groin area by either a) a golf club, b) a football, or c) a low flying aeroplane. And these people get Two hundred and Fifty quid per time the clip is shown.
So if you fancy giving up your full time job and taking up faking ‘You’ve Been Framed’ style video's for a living, here’s our easy to follow, often updated (ish), guide to the the best ways of making them. The address to send all your clips in to is simply: Freepost, You've Been Framed.
Christ, this Sky One rip off of You've Been Framed seems prepared to show any old rubbish, and at least 30% of the material shown features disturbingly old or ugly people naked. Which means its even easier to make money than every before, and you could even send identical video clips to both programmes. The address is: Kirsty's Home Video's, BskyB, PO Box 353, Isleworth, TW7 5UF.
Perhaps even simpler than any of the other examples listed on the page, by going to the Zoo you can get hilarious material without having to feature in any of the clips, or do anything other than a little provoking of the imprisoned creatures.
If you're lucky, then hopefully you'll catch footage of animals farting, having sex or falling over without having to do a single thing, but if they're having a particularly dull day, showing them magazines of monkey porn, teasing them with food or growling ferociously at them will probably provoke them in to doing something interesting/funny.
And if they still refuse to act up for the camera, why not throw in your cat (or one you've just bought from the local pet shop) or a small child in to the enclosure and video tape the ensuing chaos/death.
Another way to involve the unsuspecting public in video clips is to take your camcorder out shopping with you. You'll get a great cross section of society at such places, and thus arguments and /or violence normally takes place at least five times an hour.
Planting goods in people's coat pockets and watching them being arrested in shops is great fun/material, as are streaking, walking around singing in a strange voice whilst only wearing pvc, and running around singing Rick Astley's greatest hits. Though this might also result in you being arrested.
23) Holidays.
Being on holiday is one of the better places to film clips, especially if you've made many, as the backdrop and/or people who are involved won't be recognised by producers - plus you'll (hopefully) never see your fellow holidaymakers again, so can act as stupid as you like.
As ITV and Sky 'documentary's' like Ibiza Uncovered and Club Reps have proved, people are generally more prepared to get rip-roaringly drunk, naked and injured when abroad than they ever do when in the UK. Swimming pools and water parks are wonderful places for accidental pain/nudity/ people doing something stupid material, as are the Beach and the local karaoke bar.
From being attacked by Jellyfish to falling off of boats/cliffs/diving boards to drunk women trying to dance but mostly collapsing in to people or the floor, if you don't return home with at least ten usable clips than you probably went to the wrong resort. Or didn't go on holiday at all, and just imagined it all.
22) School Plays.
During pretty much every school play something will go wrong, from scenery collapsing, kids forgetting lines, falling over, having a screaming hissy fit etc. The younger the child the better in this case - as they're more likely to do something stupid / cute, and everyone loves material where a little five year old says hello to their parents.
However, if the play is well rehearsed and looks like all the kids know all their lines then you might have to become involved. So why not try to make the children laugh by pulling stupid faces or by holding up a card with the words 'all your teachers are cunts' written on it.
If you don't have a child of your own at the school you may attract unwanted attention from concerned parents, but you could always try pretending your from the local paper or cable channel to avoid allegations of a paedophilic nature.
What with all the recent terrible weather the majority of the country has had to suffer over the last few weeks, there’s no better time to get out your camcorder and start making back some of the money that the storms have cost you. And with the bizarre phenomena of floods in almost every part of the country, there’s no reason why you can’t start making really serious money now.
Firstly, if you have any pets that can swim - apart from fish – quality footage can be made.Dogs, cats, hamsters and guinea pigs look especially cute whilst swimming – if you own any of the above, then drive (if able) to your nearest
But watching these cutsie animals will inevitably grow dull quickly, so why not strap a fake sharks fin to your pet’s back and watch in delight as the screaming begins. Of course, if you own a pet shark or whale, even more fun can be had, as people are far more likely to react in horror and do something funny if they feel their life is at threat. If you own both a shark and a whale however, even more hilarious footage could be made if they attack each other. But remember to keep the shark/whale on a tight leash, however, as murdering people is still illegal in this country. If your own house is currently under seven foot of water, having a shark swim past the cooker, bedroom or even toilet would also nearly guarantee you a slot on the show.
However, if due to morality reasons you don’t wish to put any animals at risk, good footage can still be recorded. Lots of buildings are currently falling over, so why not wait until one does (or even help it along by planting low grade explosives), and then walk/swim dangerously near it. People falling out of boats and dinghies, babies floating along in cots, old women in wet T-shirt’s, and so on will also make the inane laugh, as will film of fat people nearly drowning. If all else fails, footage combining any of the suggestions below will always work, and help you restore your bank balance.
Everyone hates moths. It’s a well known fact, but now these flying menaces can be used to your advantage. All you have to do is keep all the lights on in your house and all the windows open at night. By Eleven at night at least thirty or so moths will invade your property, and can easily be caught using a glass etc. Then the next day at work/the unemployment office/a local childrens park release the moths and video the ensuing fear/panic/violence.
Using a moth catcher (like the one pictured) will save time when capturing the beasts.
Are you ugly? Over weight? Or do you just know someone who is? If so you can easily earn the cash by getting a small child to pull down their trousers/skirt or pull up their blouse/t-shirt etc. Full frontal nudity or close ups of intimate body parts is not recommended – though certain top shelf magazines may also be interested in this material.
Another of the more expensive video’s to make, but well worth it, especially if you’re prepared to slightly injure yourself. Even better, ‘borrow’ a friends car, and pray he never watches You’ve Been Framed. Then just film yourself driving in to a tree. Don’tworry about smashing the car/tree up a bit, but remember try to walk out of the vehicle un-paralysed.
Infact, persuading a friend to drive whilst you video events is preferable in this case.
Can’t dance or sing? But still insist on offending as many people as possible with your ‘talents’ at the local karaoke bar? Then once again there is easy money to be made. Indeed just taking your camcorder down to a karaoke bar almost guarantees you the money as no doubt some very drunk old person or small child will attempt to sing something which is video gold. If you are prepared to make a complete fool out of yourself on national tv however, we recommend attempting to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen, ‘One More Time’ by Ms Spears (especially if you’re male) or Wannabe by The Spice Girls – and if you can manage to vomit during your performance that would also be rather handy.
16) Work
Convincing settings are quite often the key to getting a clip shown on the show, so why not take your video camera in to work one day and leave it recording. To ensure comedy moments take place, why not place small trip wires around the building, and leave cups of hot coffee perilously close to the edges of tables or computer keyboards. However, if by some fluke no accidents take place than stronger action must be taken – hiring a stripper for the company boss, or accidentally throwing a chair through a window will guarantee amusing reactions from your workmates.
Summer or Winter, your local beach is the perfect location for video hi-jinks – from almost drowning to being buried almost completely in sand, so many undoubtedly hilarious ‘camcorder moments’ take place on the average day that thousands could be earnt. Swimming in shark/piranha invested water or waterski-ing in to a lighthouse is always good fun, but probably the most cash can be made from sinking a small boat in a Titanic style iceberg related accident. Though this is only really worth considering if a) you don’t own said boat, and b) you can swim really, really well.
Know a group of girls who like to drink more than just a few glasses of wine? Then drag them down to your local, buy them all a few pints, promise to share the money with them and after the spirits arrive you should be guaranteed to come home with at least ten or twenty usable clips. From drunkenly snogging an old man, dress caught in underwear incidents, and vomitting, all the usual favourites are bound to happen.
Again, natural sources of comedic material where you don’t have to do a thing. At weddings Brides or Grooms often faint, trip over or fart at the wrong time, and with any luck, if the vicars been fed hash cakes before the ceremony, he could be hilariously odd throughout. Camera’s are expected at weddings too, so it’s not suspicious to watchful programme makers.
Filming a funeral is obviously more difficult, as some may find it in bad taste, but if edited well no one ever has to know that your You’ve Been Framed hilarious mishap happened at a celebration of a recently deceased friend. The best way is to pretend you’ve broken your arm, wear a sling and conceal the camera in plaster. Then if anything absurd or jocular takes place (coffin being dropped, child bursting in to laughter, stoned vicar shocks crowd) you’ve got film that no one could believe is faked.
12) Leicester Square/Oxford Street/Convent Garden.
The entertainment centre of London, there’s always a huge amount of tourists, street entertainers and market research surveyors to have fun with. With the assistance of one or two friends you can confuse jugglers by simultaneously throwing extra objects/a really big blanket at him, walk dangerously and stupidly close to a fire eaters (try and look as much like an American tourist for this one), or just video the usual madness which tends to go on around you. Inevitably some violent drunks will wander along and create some ‘action’ sooner or later.
11) Electrocute Yourself Live on Stage.
In a crap or fading Indie band that’s struggling to survive? Can you see your future as one long life queuing at the local post office for your dole money? Well earn some quick cash whilst you can by getting a fellow bandmate to electrocute you at some tiny gig! Get a friend to video the whole ‘concert’ to make things look convincing, have an argument with the bass player, or something, and get him to throw a conveniently placed bucket of water all over you. With you holding the mic and the usually crappy electric’s in the places you’ll be playing, you’re almost guaranteed in getting hurt one way or another. Obviously make sure that sufficient medical aid is on hand (and a Doctor just in case), and if possible make sure you play your gig at a venue near a hospital. But if all goes according to plan, you should wake from your coma in a few days and soon receive £250 quid! And (possibly) even some stunning live reviews and press coverage too.
10) Babies.
If all else has thus far failed, mistreating babies is a sure fire way to earn your two hundred and fifty pounds. The show’s producers seem to think that children doing childish things is just hilarious, y’see. So babies sleeping, farting, laughing, walking, falling over, drinking meths, then vomiting, turning to crack cocaine to cope with life, or being attacked by other babies will make you a richer person by the day. Oh, and if you haven’t got your own child you can hire them by the day from Sylvia Bourbon’s Child Extra Agency, but this cuts in to your own profits obviously, so try and complete as many clips on one day as you can.
One of the more expensive (and dangerous) ways to earn your two fifty, but almost guaranteed to be shown more than once. Go to a local theme park, video a rollercoaster for a while, and then, when no one’s looking, grab a small child (there’s always loads dotted around these places) and throw it on to the tracks.
Hopefully it’ll get out of the way just in time, but if not, hey ho, you’ve still got video footage that someone somewhere would probably be very interested in. Old crappy Rollercoasters (like the one pictured) are often the most dangerous, so perfect for your camcorder antics.
Got a fat and senile old relative? Then invite them over for a nice lunch, get them a little drunk on sherry, and then set the video camera up. In just hours they’ll probably drop their skirts/trousers, sing a rude song, and get a your pet dog a little too excited.
If nothings happening however, taking them to your local park is always a good way to get some hilarious realistic footage – no doubt some animal (dog, duck, swan, panther etc.) will attack them, or, if you’re desperate and there’s a local pond too, a brief push and splash shot never did anyone any harm. I’m sure most old people would be up for taking part in your camcorder hi-jinks if you don’t have any older relatives, especially if you offer to split half the cash with them.
Hilarious bone breaking accidents happen at local sports matches all the time, and are a way of earning money without having to risk your own life, or limbs, for that matter. The more ‘amateur’ the better in this case, and why not try aggravating players into making mistakes by calling them names or throwing bits of wood at them.
Football and Rugby matches are probably the best places to go, but cricket matches can provide some comedy material - especially if someone gets hit in the groin or face by the ball. And whilst the player on the pitch may incur great pain, you can earn really easy dosh for doing nothing. Bargain, eh?
An outlay of just fifty quid, if you haven’t already got one, can get you a cheap and crappy skateboard that will just bring the pounds in. Just go to your local town centre and skateboard down some steps with some alleged friends (to make it look more credible), trip over and land on something conveniently placed, like a shopping trolley or a policeman.
Skateboarders falling off cliffs/into lakes/parked cars also raises childish laughter too. Roller-skates in these incidents are also acceptable.
The easiest way to get your free money, going punting almost guarantees water related hilarity. One of the most difficult to navigate vehicles ever built, you’re certain to either hit other ‘punts’, or smash in to the riverbanks. If you really want your cash though, be prepared to push one of your friends in to the river and pray that they don’t drown.
If you're going to make five or six 'clips' a week, why not wear shades in some video's so that the bored programme makers don't recognise you.
A slightly more difficult one this, as it tends to only snow in England for about a few days a decade and rarely actually settles. But if it does snow this year, or you fancy spending winter in Scotland, snow can be well worth it’s wait in gold. Or ten pound notes, depending on which one you prefer to carry around with you. From the simple snowball fight to skiing related leg breakage, so much can be done with snow, including sledge/water related comedy, and certainly the simple act of falling over is a lot easier to do when running on ice.
If you have a cute pet who can do something evenly remotely funny, ie. bite their own tail, jump over things, attack a small child, etc. then you’ve got hours of hilarious footage just waiting to be filmed. If you’re animals a bit thick, however, try not feeding him or her for a couple of days and then teasing her with your own flesh. It’s sure to lead to some pain / loss of blood type incident that always get a good belly laugh from the audience.
Dogs are best because they're just so dumb, but cats can be used (though not so easily directed), but if you can get footage of them falling off buildings / attacking other, larger animals, it's bound to be used.
Think about, its simple. A medium sized room, twelve to fifteen annoying relatives, alcohol, stress and tension. And if you deliberately wind up your family at this special time of the year than you could end up having enough clips to ensure you’re on every show of the year, especially if you set a camera in each room of the house.
The easiest way to get amusing things to happen is to mess with the food (add marmite to the turkey stuffing or something) to make it taste horrible, get everyone drunk (including pets) and give out really annoying or just plain stupid presents that will undoubtedly lead to comedy gold moments. If you have a relatively sane family however, who just find it all a bit amusing, serious action must be taken. Being deliberately offensive, starting a fight, or adding laxatives to everyone’s drinks may be the final option if you want to enjoy those January sales.
Believe it or not you can now earn hundreds of pounds just by falling over. That’s all you have to do! Amazing but true. Best places to fall over are at a wedding or a funeral, but if you can fall in to something as well, then you’re also almost guaranteed a slot on the show. But remember, the more painful the thing you fall in to the better, so why not try collapsing on to a hedge trimmer, or a drug crazed homeless person.
If you dont want to hurt yourself, getingt your friends and family drunk, it's sure to lead to some sort of 'collapsing incident' which'll make you (eventually) rich
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